Here’s what to do if you want to see more wildlife: absolutely nothing. That’s precisely what I was doing today when I had a near hand-shaking encounter a deer.
I was sitting on our bit of Norfolk marsh when I noticed the reeds on the far side of the dyke waving about. So I did absolutely nothing, even though it was clear that a mammal of decent size was getting closer and closer. This isn’t an entirely comfortable feeling. I’ve spent too much time in Africa to be entirely easy about such things: but then our species evolved on the savannahs, and in our marrows we all know that we are at bottom a chunk of protein.
But I stayed still. There was a pause while you might count to a hundred, in which nothing happened. In such circumstances, it’s still a good idea to keep on doing nothing, and nothing is what I did. And then, almost comically, a head poked out of the reeds, like a man looking out of a train window to check which station he’d arrived at. He was maybe six feet away.
It was a muntjac, in habitat more suitable for Chinese water deer. It was a male; I could see the exaggerated canine teeth. But the eyes were large and gentle in the approved deer-fashion, and they looked at me really rather reproachfully. And I because I didn’t move a muscle he held the pose while you might count to 15. Then I saw the nostrils dilate and twitch: a breath of wind wafted a bit of hateful human-scent across the water and he was gone, turning on his hocks, buttocky-buttocky into the reeds.
Brilliant Simon,
I had a similar experience once, sitting and leaning back on the parapet of a stone hump-backed bridge over a small stream reading a book, when I heard a drumming off to my left. I very, very, slowly turned my head to see a woodpecker about twenty feet away from me, in glorious profile, hammering away at the tree bark. Wonderful moments that make one glad to be alive.
Nice one. Stillness is an underrated talent.
The Quakers quite agree.
My best to all Friends and acquaintances.
Thank you Simon
I am so glad I have found your blog, your column was my favourite part of The Saturday Times. Just looking out of the bedroom window yesterday I couldn’t understand why so many birds, blackbird, bluetit, robin, were getting agitated around an old apple tree — and there was a beautifully camouflaged little owl sitting on a dead branch. This was one of what I call my ‘Simon Barnes’ moments’ !
The dead branch now has a reprieve.
Wendy
I had little owls nesting in my garden this year. They yelp like Yorkshire terriers!