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Deer departed  

19 September 2014 by Simon Barnes 6 Comments

          Here’s what to do if you want to see more wildlife: absolutely nothing. That’s precisely what I was doing today when I had a near hand-shaking encounter a deer.

I was sitting on our bit of Norfolk marsh when I noticed the reeds on the far side of the dyke waving about. So I did absolutely nothing, even though it was clear that a mammal of decent size was getting closer and closer. This isn’t an entirely comfortable feeling. I’ve spent too much time in Africa to be entirely easy about such things: but then our species evolved on the savannahs, and in our marrows we all know that we are at bottom a chunk of protein.

But I stayed still. There was a pause while you might count to a hundred, in which nothing happened. In such circumstances, it’s still a good idea to keep on doing nothing, and nothing is what I did. And then, almost comically, a head poked out of the reeds, like a man looking out of a train window to check which station he’d arrived at. He was maybe six feet away.

It was a muntjac, in habitat more suitable for Chinese water deer. It was a male; I could see the exaggerated canine teeth. But the eyes were large and gentle in the approved deer-fashion, and they looked at me really rather reproachfully. And I because I didn’t move a muscle he held the pose while you might count to 15. Then I saw the nostrils dilate and twitch: a breath of wind wafted a bit of hateful human-scent across the water and he was gone, turning on his hocks, buttocky-buttocky into the reeds.

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Posted in Wildblog

Comments

  1. Ken Roberts says

    19 September 2014 at 8:50 pm

    Brilliant Simon,

    I had a similar experience once, sitting and leaning back on the parapet of a stone hump-backed bridge over a small stream reading a book, when I heard a drumming off to my left. I very, very, slowly turned my head to see a woodpecker about twenty feet away from me, in glorious profile, hammering away at the tree bark. Wonderful moments that make one glad to be alive.

    Reply
    • Simon Barnes says

      26 September 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Nice one. Stillness is an underrated talent.

      Reply
      • YFN says

        30 September 2014 at 6:16 pm

        The Quakers quite agree.

        Reply
        • Simon Barnes says

          12 October 2014 at 11:20 am

          My best to all Friends and acquaintances.

          Reply
  2. Wendy Carter says

    26 September 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Thank you Simon
    I am so glad I have found your blog, your column was my favourite part of The Saturday Times. Just looking out of the bedroom window yesterday I couldn’t understand why so many birds, blackbird, bluetit, robin, were getting agitated around an old apple tree — and there was a beautifully camouflaged little owl sitting on a dead branch. This was one of what I call my ‘Simon Barnes’ moments’ !
    The dead branch now has a reprieve.
    Wendy

    Reply
    • Simon Barnes says

      29 September 2014 at 8:14 pm

      I had little owls nesting in my garden this year. They yelp like Yorkshire terriers!

      Reply

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